Sunday, April 7, 2013

That will not happen in our family!

The man who is a  murderer, a serial killer or a rapist, has a mother and dad somewhere. I have  thought of that for years.  Ever since I heard a good speaker, Gene Rice, make the following statement:

That long haired hippy drug user takes on a different look, when he sits across from you at the breakfast table.

The young man or woman who ‘comes out’ in a world where some folks think they should be shot. He (or she) has a family. A family that I hope still loves them.

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I have said many times, my sons could never do anything that would cause me to disown them. I love them unconditionally. You see, I knew them when they were cute kids. When they were winning ball games, bringing home great grades. I remember proudly watching them win moto-cross races.  I was even proud of them when we lived in GITMO and they wanted to paint my car. a 1950 Chevy.  They painted peace signs over it, the words ‘love’ and ‘peace’ all over it. Yep, on that Naval Base I drove it to work. I never fussed about their hair, and they let it grow to their shoulders. (remember Daddy is active duty Navy, and GITMO is all military).

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Of course I took some ragging about it, but they were MY boys. Don’t get me wrong I am not always ‘happy’ with them, but I will always love them.

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(You might not know it but Columbus landed in Gitmo Bay, here is where he set foot on Cuba.)

Do you ever think of the family. The Mother, dad, brothers and sisters of the town drunk. Of the drug addict who acts like an ass?

The families carry a heavy load, they care for the wayward children and siblings, but the wayward one is not the families’ responsibility. After the mid-teens the adult emerges, maybe not mentally, but age wise, the adult is there. He/she has a mind of their own, they decide the right and wrong. Each human is responsible for them selves.

It is only when it hits HOME, you realize, it can happen to my family!

I am old enough to remember when there were few divorces. I only knew one divorced family until I was 16. Sherry and I married for LIFE. I never thought that would EVER happen in our family.  It broke my heart when my sons divorced. That is when I realized no one is immune to trouble.

I have friends who have never had a child on drugs, alcohol, and no divorces. They are very fortunate.

Could we have been better parents? CERTAILY, But the kids did not come with instructions attached!!

I hope your family is one of the fortunate ones that alcohol, drugs and divorce did not effect. Unfortunately we have experienced it all. And dealing with it is not BLACK AND WHITE, I wish it was.

Ah well, they tell me one day I will understand. That understanding had better come soon, cause I am not getting any younger. LOL

Nite Shipslog

PS:

If the kids had been born with instructions, they would have probably been written in German or Latin,  I don’t understand those either.

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55-Chevy-BelAir-DV_11-GG-0011800px-1953_mg_td_arp1948-chevy-100177

Just in case you have either of the above you want to give away. Remember I will pay for shipping!!!

16 comments:

TARYTERRE said...

Loving them unconditionally is how I feel too. But sometimes they make it tough, for sure.

Theanne said...

so much to say about your post...parenting, we all fly by the seat of our pants, don't we? there have been relatives of mine who had socially unacceptable behaviors...no murderers, that I'm aware of! if I live to be 100 I'll never figure my son out, his sense of humor and mine don't see eye to eye! in 1964 I married the man I intended to live the remainder of my life with...when I said "I do" I wasn't just funning around! 17 years later the marriage had been put asunder...I've always taken my responsibility for 50% of this marriage disaster. when I was a kid I used to pray that my Dad would divorce my Mom (the current diagnosis for her mental condition is OCPD-Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder not to be confused with OCD) on my Mom's side an uncle divorced, on my Dad's side an aunt married a man who was divorced. Don and I were both divorced and remarried each other...my son is divorced and remarried. I can count on two hands the number of friends who are still married to the same person they started out with. well maybe both hands and both feet...my life long friends that live in rural Virginia have tended to stay married to the same person. some didn't but most did! I'm sure this is way more information than you wanted...but I warmed to the topics and couldn't stop :D

Ken Riches said...

Well said.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I agree! Very well said. We always love our kids no matter what. No parent can blame themselves if they don't turn out like we expected. Outside influences seem to have more bearing than parents in some cases. No matter how old we get they are still our kids for sure. So far out of the 7 of my children only one has divorced...He's the one that made a career out of the military service. Now he's on #3 and we're hoping that the 3rd time is a charm. I know I don't have any control over their lives any more. But I sure do pray a lot. That seems to do more good than anything else. There's a lot of things I don't understand and we may never have the answers either. I've accepted that. We give them roots and wings and hope they learn how to fly on their own.

Robert Geiss said...

Ha, instructions written in German, what a dream ! As I struggle with those written in Greek ;)

Thank you for the inspirational entry.

Always a kind new week ahead for you all.

shirl72 said...

Well said I don't have the problem
with children. I had enough experience helping and keeping
the children when parents needed
a break. It would be nice if you
could still give them advice when
they get older after all we have
experience things they will face
later in life.

Anonymous said...

Unconditional love is one of the greatest gifts ever.

bonnie

Jackie said...

I do believe that you have a certain gift for knowing what was preached at church this morning. Yes. It was THIS very subject. Amazing. (I don't know why I am surprised. The Lord should never surprise me. He's all knowing.)
Our pastor talked about exactly this topic....
Sending you and Sherry many smiles and always praying that I will love unconditionally. Our Father in Heaven loved us as sinners...and loves us as forgiven sinners. What a Savior!!

Mevely317 said...

Jack, you've touching hearts again over here!
When hearing of all the shootings, etc., etc., my heart always goes out to his (or her) parents. UNIMAGINABLE. I can't begin to fathom their despair.

While I've never had reason to question loving my son ... there were times I didn't exactly like him - lol.

I think that's one of the hardest tasks God's given us ... to love unconditionally. Then again, what sweet rewards!!!

Paula said...

Good post and far be it from me to be holy then thou. I know a couple who have no children and boy can they judge but their dog is spoiled rotten. They also think anyone who has a mental disease such as Bi-Polar is just spoiled and wanting attention. Sometime I would like to smack them when they voice their opinion.

Dar said...

Yes, we love our children unconditionally. I don't know too many families who are 'perfect' even when they are...or claim to be. Mom and Dad were married just under 60 yrs. when Dad passed away. Mom and I were talking about giving the kids advise and she laughed when she said that " Look at me, I have kids collecting social security and I still give out advise." and it's sound advise always. God gave me hope in being more like him, so I pray his forgiveness when I have ever been judgmental toward others.
BlessYaJack...well said

Dar said...

I meant to add that Mom and Dad always gave unconditional love and always gentle guidance.
blessya

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Fred Alton said...

Jack, you are so "on-target" here with your comments about loving our children! I also heard Gene Rice make that statement about how the looks of that "long-haired-hippy" change when you're living with them and seeing them across the dining table. It DO make a difference. There is much I could say but space and other constraints won't allow it. We have experienced it with ours - and still do with "grand-loves" (as Dar calls them)! Thankfully now the daughters have all returned to patterns of behavior that we are so thankful for. Proud of them. You certainly have two fine boys. And Mark, I know from experience, has a compassionate heart for others who are in need. Two smart sons!

Chatty Crone said...

I know what you are saying Jack. I believe the same thing - that my kids can make mistakes, but never anything like that.

Yes I look at the parents. I think of the killings at the elementary school and think about his dad and brother.

I would always love my child - but it would kill a part of me.

Love, sandie

Louis la Vache said...

hee hee...
«Louis» sees you have posted that favorite MG and '48 Chevy convertible again! Always a winner, in «Louis'» book! «Louis» thinks the'55 was Chevy's high water mark, though the '56s and '57s were just a notch below the '55s. After that, Chevy began its long, slow, sad decline as did the rest of GM.