Saturday, February 28, 2009

I am amazed at the information available on the internet. The site below is amazing.

http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/flash/

The above address is a unique one. There is a map of the US. You can click on a city and get the local paper headlines. You can click and blow it up large enough to read. Some papers you can read the entire paper. You can pick a country and check the papers world wide.


I mentioned we read our local paper every morning via the internet. We get the headlines, some stories along with the obits free. We do not subscribe to the paper. I agree about the paper delivery at home. It got too expensive for me and I cancelled years ago.
Did you ever see the Washington Post on Sunday? The paper is actually 3” thick. The paper boy can’t carry but four at a time.sd

Now todays insightful entry copied off the net:

The Spendulus Plan Will Work this was!

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.
"The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.""Done!" replies the government official.And that, my friends, is how the stimulus plan will work.

That is business as usual in Washington, I do hope it is achanging!
Nite Shipslog,
PS: Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.


I am having an out-of-money experience.

The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what youeat, it's watching what other people eat.


mmmmm.....love chocolate chip cookies.I don't need to know how many calories are in a chocolate chip cookie, I need to know how many calories are in a whole batch!

Friday, February 27, 2009

We Made It! (It is COLD here, okay Not COLD but colder than I like.

This is Lilly, Rose, Tuck and Lecta (Tuck's Mom), Do you think Tuck looks likd Bobbgvy Darin?
of 'Mack the Knife' fame. Who is Bobby Darin? Who said that?


Now for today's exclusive report!.......




WE are in NC, in Shirls RV Park. It is rainy and nasty, and going to get cold. Miss that Florida 80degrees & sunshine! Sonny seems to be improving. Thanks for your concern and prayers!


Just to show I can make a short entry. This is it. I don’t have the nerve Lucy has to tear everything down and build it back up. I love to see the blogs that are very decorated and arranged. Some of you amaze me with the ability to add and change things. Amazing how creative you are. One of these days I want to try it. But so far, the side bar is as far as I go.


Shirl shied away from computers for a long time. She used one at work, and had a word processor at home, BUT NO INTERNET!


WE joke about it, but it was true, Jim her husband must have had between 50 & 100 computers and peripherals. When Jim collected, HE COLLECTED! He did not use them all, but had several that he operated. Shirl was determined they would not go to the Computer Man, but to the dump in pieces. She used hammer, screw driver and ‘scissors’to demolished them. Ain’t NOBODY gonna steal Jim’s ID!


Funny, there was a young fellow who was starting a computer repair shop. He had worked on my laptop, so I did know him in passing. I dropped by to see if he wanted any old computers. He was very happy and said SURE I will take all you have got. I said I hope so. After the second big van load, he said that is enough. Hahaha!
Sometimes too many computers can be a pain in the backside!!!


WE are proud of how Shirl has integrated into the twenty first century and has welcomed the net into her house. I did have to explain she cannot give antibiotics to the thing to keep out a virus. Other than that she has got it.


Nite Shipslog. (I tried to make it short)
PS:
ARTISTRY OF INSULTS.
When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words!!) These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas


"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Moving NORTH

Well, one of those unforeseen things has happened. We are pulling up stakes and heading for Shirl’s RV Park. We are on the road as I make this entry.
Brother in Law Sonny isn’t doing well and our good friend Louise isn’t either. So since nothing is hindering we are on the road. We are on I-10 headed to Jax then North to the Carolinas. Sherry is at the helm and keeping it between the ditches. Sometimes I think when she is driving she hits all the bumps. LOL. She is a good driver of this thing, really.
Sherry finished the laundry, I picked up three doors for the trailer back home. new were fortunate that the books came in before we leave Florida. I need to stop and buy a Lottery ticket. I hate to pass up the chance to become a millionaire.
No, this move has nothing to do with my inheritance. It is still on solid ground. However there is a turn, since my little sister is just a year or so older than I, and since she is in better health than most fifteen year old girls. I assume she will take care of me in a nursing home and spend her own money on Vacations and wild men. While I race Sherry walker against wheel chair.
It is nice to dream of though, Ah, a South Pacific Island, tropical breezes and those funny drinks with the umbrella! They are being served by pretty girls in grass skirts, HEY REAL GRASS SKIRTS! Well it was a good dream, until I realized she is in better health than I. Drats, my luck.
Next entry will be from Shirl’s RV park in Belmont, NC.
NIte Shipslog

PS:
ARTISTRY OF INSULTS.
When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words!!) These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill


"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
(I love that one)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Gracefully Grasping for Dignity

Wiley Harris, Sherry's dad, a little before we found out he was sick.(Cancer)
Mama at our house. The rest of the family visiting, Jr. & Mo from Shelby, Kat & Dick from New York. This was a small BR in our house, Shirl had one about the same at her house. Mom was moved from our house to Shirl's & back & back to Shirl's etc.

TODAY'S EXCITING AND STIMULATING ENTRY! HANG ON!........LOL

I have just received a shipment of my latest book. The title was furnished by Debbie (of internet fame from Boon docks and Flapdoodle). This is my first attempt at a non-fiction book.
The book is a compilation of personal stories and information I feel relevant to seniors of today. There are many books on the market that deal with facts and figures, government requirements etc. In this book I took a different approach.

Some things I have learned by the campfire, some from experience and some by research. It is hard for us older folk to understand the younger generation and how they think. Today’s world is different. Most families are not equipped to handle a parent living in with them. They are bogged down just trying to make ends meet. Also presently most all the adults work, and the children are in school or other activities.
When I started the book my idea for my incapacitated years was this: I told my sons, put me in a home, come see me when you can. Don’t let me put a guilt trip on you for not visiting. I have lived my life. Loved it, enjoyed it and I do not want to end it being in somebody’s way and interfering in their lives.
By the same token and at the same time I had planned on leaving our house to the sons and what little money we had saved. HA! I have found that is a pipe dream. Unless something is done early, every penny of your savings and the house will be gone in just a short period of time, then you would be eligible for Medicaid, and the Government will take care of you.
There is no legal advice (except to say you may need some). It covers when I feel a nursing home is necessary. Drivers license, home ownership, hiding money, your obituary, your funeral, your stuff, your casket, your responsibilities in reference to those.
Shirl's & my families together, took care of my mother in her last years in our homes. She never went to a nursing home (good or bad idea?). I discuss that, pro and con. Sherry’s family took care of her Dad in his home before he passed away. Shirl took care of in-laws also in their last years. She has a lot of experience and consulted with me on the book. It is written in large print and is only a hundred pages.


It is available at Amazon.com, Target.com and createspace.com for $8.95 + shipping. I have it here for $6 inc. shipping. An e-mail to:


jacsher@aol.com will get it on it's way.



It is not the only book or information you will need as you reach ‘Decision time’, but I think it will be helpful. It has the possibility of saving you or your family money. If you have forgotten an insurance policy, have you?



Nite Shipslog
PS:
ARTISTRY OF INSULTS.


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."


- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."


- Winston Churchill"




I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow




"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).




"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Woe is Me!

Shirl back when she started earning her fortune.
Shirl, with Jim, he insisted she save the fortune.

Shirl the day she told me I was her Heir (and she would save it all for me!)
I do not have to post her picture today after the NY trip and all the spending. It is a sad day in _________ Jack has struck out!
Todays woeful entry!........................................


Notice of poverty. (bad word) (another bad word) I called the bank there is less than a million left. I guess I am headed for the poor house. I was so depending on that inheritance. Well at least she will let me live in her back yard pretty cheap. Sometimes she furnishes meals. Wish Woody had volunteered the weapon sooner! LOL

SHHHHHHHHH We are being forced to move in the middle of the night, since we do not have the interest off the Money Market account. I am leaving an IOU with Shirl’s name attached. I hate to leave without saying goodbye. They were having coffee and doughnuts in the morning also. Well we cannot have everything, it seems.




Today is mail call. We will park the Motor home and set it up. Jump in the van and drive the 30-35 miles to pick up our mail. WE should have the first shipment of Gracefully Grasping for Dignity. You get used to getting mail every couple weeks. I was broke into that in the Navy, the Mail plane was weekly sometimes even on an aircraft carrier while we were at sea. I felt more for the guys on the (smaller ships) destroyers, APA’s etc that did not have a mail plane. Some time we would string a line between ships and high line their mail over, or if they had a helo pad our helo would carry it over. Mail is the heart of the military moral. Mail from home or especially from that girl was sometimes a God sent. She & I used to send extra secret stuff under the stamp. Sometimes she would dab her perfume on the envelope. Always on the back was SWAK (Sealed with a kiss).
If we were close to a port sometimes we would drop the Captain’s Gig in the water and the Coxswain and a bosan’s mate and sometimes an SP would go get the mail, IF it had been dropped off at the port. But mail is a priority.
Communications now are amazing for us who have went through all the phases, from Number Please’, to the ‘text messages’ (which we do not use yet). The cell towers along the interstates to keep the phone in contact. Now we have the ‘CARD’, it receives the cell signal and attaches to our router, which in turn feeds Sherry and my computers. We stay in pretty close contact. We read our local paper, mainly for the obituaries. Do you read the obits?
Today we got the bad news via the obits, a neighbor, Joe Bishop passed away. I will miss him. He was a good neighbor.
Lot of bad news from home, makes you think, maybe we should……….
Nah, we will give it another day.

Nite ShipsLog
PS:



I LOVE COOKING WITH WINESometimes I even put it in the food.
When you work here,you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Fred".
Money isn't everything,but it sure keeps me in touch.
LOL

Monday, February 23, 2009

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a notice to the ones (TERRI) who are planning on spend ALL my inheritance. There has been a hold put on all Miss Shirls accounts until she is examined by competent Medical personnel. WE all sump'n is wrong! I am only interested in her welfare (and MY inheritance) . So y'all can forget Flings BAsement! (or whoever) So just turn that plane around!!!!
I talked to the president, he agrees.

What do you see in a picture?

What do you see in the above picture? Other than my girl at my best friends house and me NOT THERE? Note that cute smile?

NOW THE REST OF THE STORY!


What do you see in this picture? You see a beautiful girl. My girl, but what else? Have you ever taken a shot and noticed later you included something of importance to you. You may comment later in looking at old photos of a house, group or auto. That is mom over there at the side. Or you may say, I never noticed our dog in that picture, what was his name? Well what I see in the picture brings back a flood of memories.

I think of Luke Tucker, he gave me my first job. He taught me a lot later, but this was a small (but big to me) job. Mr. Luke Tucker, to my great surprise bought a house near were we lived, and united two good buddies. Von Dale was back close to our family. They were going to attend our church again. We had been separated by many miles for over four years; here all of a sudden he lives close again. WE were close friends from the fourth to sixth grades. Then Dad moved to pastor in Valdese. Dad moved to Belmont I was in the ninth to the eleventh grade when I quit. Tuck moved back DURING that time.
Luke bought a pecan grove and an old farm house with a wrap around porch, beautiful old house. He remodeled it. My first job was working with Von Dale to put up Celotex with staplers. The celotex you see ON THE CEILING IN that picture, Tuck and I installed. There was a lot of horsing around, shooting at each other with staple guns etc. Tuck was tough, he didn’t even get mad when I stapled his shirt to his back, he got even.
So I see a beautiful girl
but I see more than meets the eye of the casual observer. I have a flood of memories of a wonderful man who was too good for his own good, but he was respected. Luke Tucker, who left the mill to become a general contractor and make a better life for his family, Rest in Peace Luke, you have been gone many years but are still real for many people. You gave my first job. Later he hired me and seriously taught me to be a carpenter.

Nite Shipslog

PS:
It appears an early trip back to NC to seek legal help to protect MY inheritance. I have contacted attorneys. I will keep you posted. This is very hard for me, but….. LOL try this: Importance of Walking

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We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.
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I could run this over to your friends, but it's much easier just to e-mail it to them!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Cease and Desist Order!!!

I can't find her, she has changed since shopping with Debbie's daughter! Terri, how did y'all get everything on one bag! I couldn't believe the difference. Let this be a warning, shoppong is dangerous to your health. Pretty ear rings won't help youstay young, Terri!.


Seeeeeee! Please folks don't encourage her anymore, I hardly recognize her.

And she used to be so sweet, She looked like this the last time I saw her!!!!

Public service announcement!!!!!

· According to what I see and read here on the Blogs, there are folks who are encouraging my sister to shop. Folks, shopping is not a sport. It is not one of the contests in the Olympics. My sister is a sweet lady, but getting up in yea@$. Spending money should not be encouraged. Hints and outright statements encouraging wasteful spending at a time when we are in recession is counterproductive. I SEE these statements from such exotic far out places as AL, KY(especially KY), NY and Texas(another especially) to name a few. STOP IT! This is a public safety appeal and has nothing what so ever to do with the fact that that I am the sole heir to her fortune (which, by the way, is diminishing daily thanks to the wanton encouragement).

Now don’t you feel better!

By the way I got my stimulus check. It was $6.23, stimulated me! Funny thing since I was knee high to a jackass (my name sake, does that make me a democrat?) I have heard you cannot borrow yourself out of debt, or trouble. Politicians did not go to the same school.
Really folks we are in trouble,
we need jobs here in the good old USA. Someone mentioned requiring all the military uniforms to be purchased in the USA. I thought that was a good idea. That would at least put a few textile mills back in operation, or keep the few going that are operating. Just as soon as I thought about that, someone else did too. Even the President mentioned something like that, right away it was said, “That will go contrary to our trade agreements with other countries.”
I thought, ‘then can’t we change some of the wording, surely it was not etched into stone.’

I hope if this stimulus creates jobs, and that at least some of the jobs created are permanent. I would hope the steel for the bridges we are going to build is to be US Steel. And as long as the stimulus money buys it (and not Shirls).
Thanks for reading this drivel.
NIte Shipslog
PS:
I have kleptomania,but when it gets bad,I take something for it.


I may be schizophrenic,but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.Nobody is Perfect.Therefore I am Perfect.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Remember we are mobile

Gunfight at the OK corral, Tombstone, AZ
Peggy (Niece) at the Bank in Dodge city, just up from the Long Branch.
Now for today's informative entry.............

Okay, If you look in from time to time you know, we are mobile. Our home is on wheels. Therefore we do not have a landline for the super fast internet, jack rabbit, road runner or whatever it is. We connect through cell towers. WE did use the cell phone for internet but now we have the card. So we operate wholly on cell communications.

When we started, we used long distance and paid with quarters at the pay phones. Then came the calling cards, we used those for years. Now we are blessed to have cell phones and are reachable most of the time. I have added an antenna and an amplifier to assist in the back woods.

Now, about mail. We have a mail forwarding service. All of our mail goes there and they hold it until we call for it. We call for mail about every two weeks. I keep track of our book orders from the printer and try to get to the mail room as soon as possible after delivery, to keep from taking up their space. You can understand this 2 week delay has caused us a few problems, when we have a change in a doctor’s appointment and they notify us by mail, or a tax notice, or a bill. We have paid several late charges because of the two week delay. Most of that has been taken care of with the cell phones now. So, now that I have checks coming into the mail room in payment for books, sometimes I will not see it for a couple weeks, so once we get them, we try to deposit them as soon as we can to keep someone from wondering did the check get here. Most times I will try to notify you by e-mail when I receive it.

Also rest assured I do not count the days from the day I mail it out that I receive payment. My main concern is that you get the book, pay when you can. If something comes up you cannot get the payment in the mail when you wanted to, don’t fret. I am thrilled when anyone would read my books.
I am ecstatic with the reception. Shucks this is fun.


Thanks for reading this stuff……
Nite Shipslog


PS: The importance of walking:


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The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
*********************************
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

*********************************
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
*********************************
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Sherry is home after leaving me

Short post, Sherry is home! Safe trip across Tampa. She had air added to the tire and flew home. lol. She is fine.
jack
Just wanted to add a picture. This is Mark David and his youngest son Luke Vegas. Oh and me of course the chubby one.



This is a time when traveling and living away is not fun. When someone you really care about is sick or dying. I hate death predictions, i.e. He has about six months to live or We give her a year on the outside. Now you want to know, but you want to hear much longer times, you hope to hear five years etc. not months or weeks. We all know this actually means very little. Some folks given the estimate of six weeks have lived a year and vice versa, folks given the estimate of six months to a year, may die in six weeks.
YOU know it is something like the weather man. We know he does not KNOW what the weather is going to be, but we get mad when he is wrong. It is the same with me and doctors. I know they cannot really tell how long a person has to live, but I get upset when they are wrong and it is shorter than they predicted. Somehow I think, HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN (but I know he tried).
Anyway it is like this about our friend. I really want to see her smile once again. I want to hear her say, ‘your buddy was here,’ and I will know she is talking about her brother Sam. I did just get an e-mail from Shirl that was positive. Something they thought was serious (aside from the cancer diagnosis) was not. It is good to hear some positive, isn’t it?
On a much more serious note, LOL, I don’t mind some Indian names. But the address here at Hillsborough River is the town of Thonotosassa, FL. Now our dear friend Bishop Carter was born here. He moved away because he could neither spell nor pronounce it. LOL (just kidding Wayne).
WE went down to see our good friend Judy from up torge Milbridge, Maine. She now lives further South near her family. Lovely lady. Had a great time. I love to sit and listen to Judy talk, I love that Maine accent. My girl and I will be separated for the longest period we have in years. She is going back down to hang out with Judy in St. Pete. I know she dreads the Tampa Traffic. She will drive through Tampa and across Tampa Bay and back.
I will stay here and play in the woods.
Nite shipslog
PS:

As I am posting this, I got a call from my girl and after a lot of yelling, she has a flat, can you believe the first time she is that far away, anyway some friends are following her to tire kingdom.

The importance of exercise…..
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I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
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If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
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I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,... just getting over the hill.

Thursday, February 19, 2009





Thursday, February 19, 2009

Pick out your casket or watch for banana peels!
WE are an ever changing society. Always looking for somthing new. The above is known as a scroll Casket. Looks like one of those things, that the folks af Belks (Department stores) used to put in those tubes and was moved by air pressure to an unknown place in the sky, then it came back sith change and a receipt in it. Some banks still use them in the drive thru's.
This is the average looking funeral, what willyours look like?
Now today's very exciting entry!!!!!! (who said ha!???????)
Okay here is the story. In the last few years while other folks were getting old, I noticed they were not paying close attention to themselves, and they had gotten old before they realized it. So I thought someone should remind them it was time for some tough decisions. Not to just be enjoying all this free time, leisure hours to play golf, shoot pool, play in the garden paint, shop, buy, rest, shop some more etc., but to do something important DECIDE!DECIDE:When am I gonna kick the bucket, and what should I do before?What type of casket you want to be laid to rest in?Who do you want to say something flattering over you?(You better think hard!)Do you want someone to sing? Or do you want an old record by Bill Haley and the Comets to be played like :Rock around the Clock to be played?Do you want a cute saying on your tombstone or foot stone? (BTW mine will read: “Here Lies Jack in the Box”.)Do you want to pay for your time in the nursing home or would you prefer the government do it?Who will use my golf clubs when I am gone?Who will get my double barrel twelve gauge shotgun?Am I going to pick my resting place or let the kids do it?I have written a book called “Gracefully Grasping for Dignity”, before you ask, yes the name is ORIGINAL, I read it a couple times in Debbie’s e-mail, and then I THOUGHT OF IT. Can’t be much more original than that! Thanks Debbie.It is a short book a hundred pages. No technical stuff no financial advice just common sense things we should do to make things easy for those left. Amazon has it for $8.95 + postage. Also on Createspace at: https://www.createspace.com/3372008 (Target.com will carry it later)I will have it here in about a week for $6 including postage. Now I really appreciate you folks buying the books I write, but DO NOT feel obligated to buy them. I appreciate you reading the blog and commenting. I love to read blogs and comment. DO Not feel an obligation or DO NOT drop the blog. Stay with us Please. I write for fun. I wanted to get some books out for a promotional tour in the spring. So this is one of them.Nite ShipslogPS:Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.- Winston ChurchillMaybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.- Phyllis DillerBy the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.- Billy CrystalAnd the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
Posted by jack69 at 9:52 AM 0 comments

Pick out your casket or watch for banana peels!

WE are an ever changing society. Always looking for somthing new. The above is known as a scroll Casket. Looks like one of those things, that the folks af Belks (Department stores) used to put in those tubes and was moved by air pressure to an unknown place in the sky, then it came back sith change and a receipt in it. Some banks still use them in the drive thru's.
This is the average looking funeral, what willyours look like?
Now today's very exciting entry!!!!!! (who said ha!???????)

Okay here is the story. In the last few years while other folks were getting old, I noticed they were not paying close attention to themselves, and they had gotten old before they realized it. So I thought someone should remind them it was time for some tough decisions. Not to just be enjoying all this free time, leisure hours to play golf, shoot pool, play in the garden paint, shop, buy, rest, shop some more etc., but to do something important DECIDE!
DECIDE:
When am I gonna kick the bucket, and what should I do before?
What type of casket you want to be laid to rest in?
Who do you want to say something flattering over you?(You better think hard!)
Do you want someone to sing? Or do you want an old record by Bill Haley and the Comets to be played like :Rock around the Clock to be played?
Do you want a cute saying on your tombstone or foot stone? (BTW mine will read: “Here Lies Jack in the Box”.)
Do you want to pay for your time in the nursing home or would you prefer the government do it?
Who will use my golf clubs when I am gone?
Who will get my double barrel twelve gauge shotgun?
Am I going to pick my resting place or let the kids do it?
I have written a book called “Gracefully Grasping for Dignity”, before you ask, yes the name is ORIGINAL, I read it a couple times in Debbie’s e-mail, and then I THOUGHT OF IT. Can’t be much more original than that! Thanks Debbie.
It is a short book a hundred pages. No technical stuff no financial advice just common sense things we should do to make things easy for those left. Amazon has it for $8.95 + postage. Also on Createspace at:
https://www.createspace.com/3372008 (Target.com will carry it later)

I will have it here in about a week for $6 including postage. Now I really appreciate you folks buying the books I write, but DO NOT feel obligated to buy them. I appreciate you reading the blog and commenting. I love to read blogs and comment. DO Not feel an obligation or DO NOT drop the blog. Stay with us Please. I write for fun. I wanted to get some books out for a promotional tour in the spring. So this is one of them.
Nite Shipslog
PS:
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

And the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Tampa and Alligators

This is a picture of the four main characters of the two books, Sticky and RAgs.

Now for todays excitng Flroida entry............

Shoot, we are close to Tampa, we might just watch TV. I just raised the antennae so Sherry could see what was on. (BTW the cappuccino was good on the way down here) She is in bed early tonight. She wants a TV that you can just turn on and watch. They don’t make those any more. Every time we move we have to reprogram the TV’s and figure out the buttons, then we do not watch them. Maybe this time we will.

As some of you know Amazon.com and Createspace distribute my books. I was just advised by Amazon that Target.com will also carry Sticky and Rags. Well I was surprised, and went a-looking. They are there, but they did not show up in a search. Of course I wanted to see so I looked through all the books and found them. I am not fussing because they are buried, I am just glad someone else is carrying them.

We are out in the woods again. I love it out here. We are on the Hillsborough River. The ranger gave us a paper saying we could go with them in a canoe to look at some Alligators this Friday. I guess we will pass since we have seen enough alligators in our back yard to keep us happy about alligators.

They are interesting though. True story:
When I was in the Air Force I was stationed at a small Radar site in Kirksville, Missouri: Lovely town, great folks and beautiful country. Rolling hills and clean air. Our commanding officer was a major since it was a small site. I was a repairman for the Radar computer. One day I needed a new notebook and some solder, so I made a trip to supply. About a 75 yard walk, everything was close. When I walked in Terry, who was from Louisiana bayou country, had just returned from leave. He brought a pet back with him, a two foot baby alligator. He had a pencil with a ‘gold leaf’ on the eraser end. A gold leaf is the military insignia for a Major (same as our commanding).
What in heck are you doing Terry?”
Hey, Jack my man, I done brung this dude back frum the bayou.”
“I can see that Terry, but it gets cold here in Missouri he ain’t going to like it?”
“Downe matta, I keeps him warm. I be teaching this sucker to hate majors, I beat him with this gold leaf heah, I savin hime fur the major. When he gro beeg, I’m gonna take him to the C.O.’s office and turn him loose.”

I wish I could type like a Cajun tawks. Anyway everyone got a kick out of his joke. The major even laughed. I don’t know what happened to the Alligator.

Nite Shipslog
PS:
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
Jack E. Leonard

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

They are moving again!!!!!

lISTEN UP YOU GUYS! Come on FIND THE CURE NOW!
SELF EXPLAINATORY, There is no one who is not touched by the cruel, mean disease of Cancer.
Today's secret entry................

SHHHHHHHHHHHH, it’s moving day today. We are headed down close to Tampa to Hillsbourgh River State Park. The Motor home is getting thirsty so we will stop and take on some diesel at Flying J. I will also get a Cappuccino, if the machine isn’t broken. The machines must get a real workout at the truck stops, because about half of the time they are out of order. Probably because there are a lot of folks like me, treat themselves while on the road.
Sherry started cleaning house today, so I tried to help. She fixed beans and cornbread, one of my favorites for supper. She has also been washing clothes most of the day. Our machine is great. I have told before, but it is one machine that washes and dries. However the size of the load is limited so it takes more loads. It is still much more convenient than a Laundromat. We seldom visit one of those anymore. One reason she likes to catch up the laundry is that at the state park we do not have full hook-up. We must use our storage tanks for grey and black water during that week. It is no big deal, but it is nice to be caught up when you go in.
Shirl keeps us up to date on our friend Louise at home. The news is not good and of course that is a downer. Cancer is a very mean disease. I did not know the meanings of the different colors of ribbons to remember ones affected by cancer. Jim Page sent me the colors today. I did not know there was that many. I knew breast cancer is a pink ribbon. Louise is affected by pancreatic cancer, the color is purple.
I hear there is a cure for cancer, but the medical community is making so much money off the disease, they do not want to release it. Now if you believe that, you have the right. But to me, if it was true, some person anxious for fame and fortune alone would release it. You have got to know that there are scientist’s working day and night for a cure. What medical scientist does not want to be as famous as Jonas Salk? Knowing his name would be revered for as long as the world lasts. I for one do not buy it. Maybe on a lower level who is cruel and greedy, someone is hoping it stays as is, but I don’t believe on the scientific end that is true. What a horrific thing should it be true
.
Nite Shipslog
PS:
The value of Walking:
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
*********************************
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.
*********************************
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Oprah and me

Sometimes it get confusing for me, not knowing what is being said, but I manage to fix it big time. Oprah was real sweet. I don't know when it will run. LOL See paula, I know some famous folk.



Every book that is published, the author gets the same junk mail. The one that always strikes me is ‘Be on Oprah, sell millions of books in a few weeks’.
Quote, “We have helped literally thousands of writers appear on major networks, TV and Radio.”
Okay, the only catch for me to appear on Oprah is, I must send the guy $4000 and then he will start working for me.
Now like everything else you have to look at all the print. Down in small type is plainly written if you have a magnifying glass: “results advertised are not typical”. Shoot and I was on my way until I read that. I was imagining my conversation:
O:” Well Jack, how does it feel to be on national TV to tell about Sticky and Rags?”
Me: “Huh?”
O: “It is about Sticky & Rags.”
Me: “I’m sorry Miss Oprah, I don’t hear well but yes at his age my skin does sag, but I expected that. Oh did you read my book about Sticky?”
O: “Yes I did, I was wondering why didn’t you say Sticky was Black?”
Me. “ I did say he was back, didn’t you read in the forward of Rags, Sticky is back!”
O: “No, Jack I said Black, STICKY IS LIKE ME.”
Me: “Oh no, Miss Oprah, he isn’t nothing like you. He’s not even half as purty.”
O: “Let me put this way, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL THE READERS HE WAS BLACK?”
Me: “Oh that is simple, when I don’t want to take responsibility for something, I ask my friends on the internet, what they think. I got what I considered solid advice from a friend in Alabama, who said I should wait until the next book.”
O: “Well don’t you think your readers should know what Sticky is?”
ME: “We worked off and on together for a few years, and he never told me, I thought it was a secret.”
O: “How could a thing like THAT BE A SECRET?”
ME: “What?”
O: “Him being Black?”
Me: “OH, I thought I told you, it wasn’t a secret, everybody in Belmont knew he was back. Sticky never hid that.”
O: “ Cut, folks take three days off. Mr. Darnell what do you think?
ME: “Oh I thought Sticky was Black all the time, but he never said.”
O: “No I mean about the INTERVIEW!”
Me: “Shoot I am ready anytime, when do you want to start?”
O: “Good bye Mr. Darnell, I am going to have a drink.”

Now I think she has put it off for a few weeks, I expect another call anytime.
I figure $4000 more might do the trick with that publicist guy
.
NIte ShipsLog

PS:
Sometimes too much to drink............. isn't enough.
***
In just two days from now,............tomorrow will be yesterday.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

On our Vacation

A couple old friends. Bishop BAllard and his wife. His wife was the daughter of Irma's pastor when she was a child. They pastor in Cocoa BEach at present. This was the Birthday cake. DElicious! Inside was moist with raspberries inbetween four layers, Wow. There was also a delicious Carrot cake, just love them. It was baked by Carol, Irma's oldest Niece who gave her the name Nee.

This is Irma Lee, lovingly called Aunt Nee, because her first niece could not say Irma Lee, it came out as Nee. So from then on she is Aunt Nee, an absolutely lovely woman.


This is my dear friend, and I do not know her name, but I got to kiss her three times. LOL



Hey everyone, thanks for the nice comments and your prayers and thoughts. I will try to get along with my Valentine, now that the cat is out of the bag. She did not like me running my mouth(fingers), I told her I didn’t like being scared myself. Ha!
I do want to say, I do not think it was an anxiety attack Sherry had, even though they diagnosed it as that. She was never excited just as calm as a danged cucumber, I’m leaving you! She has never had anything happen close to that. She promised she would not do it again.
Well, she honestly did not like me putting it on the internet. But she is sweet she forgives me, MOST my sins.
Now for our vacation from our vacation. We had a great time.
Met some fantastic folk, kissed a 98 year old lady, told her she was beautiful, started to kiss her on the cheek she would have none of that, right on the smacker. Got to do it again for a picture. She was the life of the party. She looked at me and said “Think I will make it to a 100!” I said you got my vote! She hung her head over to the side lolled her tongue out and said, “Yeah, but I will look like this!”
The Birthday party was for Irma Lee, 89. She has so many friends, Did I tell you she was designer and seamstress for some of the rich and famous. Ms. Como (Yeah, Perry’s wife) was one of her customers.
You should have seen her retirement poster (Of course it was a few years ago, but she still has it in view), It is something like Shirl would do. It was created all with sewing do dads, spools scissors, and measuring tapes. It was great. Glenda asked me to try to take pictures of everyone who came in, I took over 100 pictures.
Such an interesting group of family and friends. A lady who works the Ididarod, a dog sled race in Alaska. Knows Sarah Palin.
Saw Leo again, part of the family. He started working at fourteen building communication tower, built them where I had lived in Missouri. Worked on every building NASA built at the Cape. Installed the first sugar cane mills in South Florida, went to Puerto Rico and brought two back to Florida and installed them.
Not the least of our vacation, was last night in the Motel, no I ain’t telling you a thing, Sherry would really get me. (But boy did I have fun, Sorry honey I had to say that after you scared me and everybody). LOL
Went to church with Don & Evelyn this morning at Melbourne, had lunch, visited and came home to the Motor Home. Don & Evelyn are dong well and will be here in a month or so.
NIte ShipsLog
PS:
Thanks for your concern, but Sherry is all right, I checked everything out.Now I have got to catch up on the Blogs.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I am leaving you, I am dying

This is MY Valentine fifty years later
This is my Valentine in the mid fifties.....

This is the most serious entry I have ever made. If anyone was reading this Blog about a year ago I spent a week explaining my Epiphany. I have always loved this girl that I married when I was 17. We have both been successful in our own right. Last year I realized without her help and love I would have had nothing.
Sherry chided me the other day when I said, on this blog that ‘I was getting on Her last nerve’, she said you know that is not so. I said I know it but most folks would not believe we live together 24/7. WE are NEVER separated (excerpt when she sneaks off to buy me a birthday card while we are grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. )
I have intentionally waited awhile to post this so it would be old news. So the family would not get up in arms and demand we come home.
I was ready for bed some time ago and my dear wife, said,
‘you had better take me to the hospital!’
What?
I feel bad.’ I did not question it, when she says that I know it is bad. Don’t call 911, just take me. I dressed and we headed out. It is about ten miles there.
Note: We are not familiar with emergency rooms; I have been to three in my whole life. We have never spent time in the hospital except her having little boys.
I helped her in, I was signing her in with one hand and holding her with another. They looked at her in a few minutes said take a seat and you will be called.
I
was holding her, this woman I have loved for over 52 years. She is my life. Then she knocked my lights out. She looked at me and smiling she said, “I love you, I am leaving you now, I love you.”
“Sweetheart , What do you mean?”
“I am dying, I love you, I don’t feel a thing I am numb all over.”( I had continually checked her heart it was strong at 100-120 a minute.)
Here I must digress:
Once, a few months after we were married, we were swimming in the ocean alone. Back then you could find a mile of beach to have by yourself. I had heard of undercurrent, but did not take it seriously. As we walked in the water, I tried to take us back to shore but could not. It was like walking on marbles and they were rolling out to sea. We fought the water, she could not swim. I told her she had better pray (She was the real pray-er of us two) I told her I cannot get us back to shore. We fought until she gave up. She had long dark hair, I will never forget if I live to be a hundred. She looked at me and said, “ I love you, I give up,” and stuck her head in the water and that beautiful hair spread out in a circle. I grabbed the hair, pulled her head out of the water and said you will not give up, folks will say I brought you out here and drowned you. I pulled, pushed, towed and swam. I worked until we were safe. I held her, we were so in love.
This was different there was no water to fight, just a reserved sweet smile as she said, “I am dying.”
I jumped up got folks attention, “My wife is dying, help!” I don’t think they actually knew what to do. I have been told, if you want to see a doctor call 911 and go in by ambulance and you will see one soon. I could see them discussing and then came over with a wheel chair and took her away. I could not go.
A nice lady came over and sat beside me, “That was your wife, you have been together a long time, I can tell, the spark is still there. She will be alright.” At least the lady spoke so I could see her lips and spoke distinctly; I could understand her, which is very unusual.
Anyway my girl was all right, I brought her home that night. Anxiety attack they said. I didn’t care just so I had her back. You know we are old folks, but I love to kiss my woman. I had not kissed her for three days because of colds. But you can bet I forgot colds flu, germs or whatever, I kissed my girl. I held her close and tight. I have heard a lot of things in my life, but the worst I have ever heard was, “I am leaving you, I am dying.”
Thank God She is with me. I have waited to post this, but I will still get some flak from the family maybe.
But that is my Valentine entry! I have her and that is what counts. Happy Valentine’s Day my love. You are the greatest, without you I am nothing, with you I am a King.
Nite Shipslog,
PS:
All those guys that wanted her can go fly a kite, I got her.
I love this girl, my Valentine.

This entry is made early because we are going to a Birthday party over on the East Coast. Tomorrow night I will tell her how much I love her in a motel room. Ah ha!Be quiet, we will be trying to sleep.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Leaving earth, by plane, rocket or The Rapture

Beautiful car don't you think. It is a 1920 Cord. We are going to a Birthday party for a beautiful lady who was born that year. She was an expert designer and seamstress, and made dresses for some famous people. She never married but doted over her nieces and nephews. They were privileged to wear some clothes hand crafted by this talented lady. She is referred to lovingly as 'Aunt Nee', We knew her sister another wonderful lady, Eileen, in Missouri. There were three of the Pinder girls and they were very talented singers also. They were well known as a Gospel TRIO!
Happy valentines day and happy birthday Irma Lee Pinder! 89 on Vaneltine's Day. SHE was the Pinder families VAlentine!


Today is Friday,
WE went to Waffle house for breakfast. Our neighbors are heading East a ways because they say there is a launch coming up. We have watched several launches, they are spectacular. To feel the ground shake as they rev up the engines to head into space. Now you can see much better on TV, but there is something about watching it live. We have watched from several locations. Twice we watched from ten miles south on the beach. Twice we watched from Manatee Hammock Camp ground which is the closest you can get in an RV park. WE were there to see John Glenn go up in the Shuttle. I thought the incident was great. I would love to be in that thing as it rises and loses earth’s gravity. Sherry doesn’t want to go with me. Says that definitely does not yank her chain!
Would you like to go? Sure you would
. Of course Sherry doesn’t even want to leave the earth slow in a Balloon. She ain’t crazy about taking off in a Jet plane.
Now she believes in the Rapture, she says she will go in that, if it happens while she is still alive. She declares that is different! I have to agree.
I was raised in church, since my daddy was a preacher. Dad was a wonderful man. He preached on the Rapture of the Church every once in awhile. Funny thing about that. I could see folks just sailing off into the sky when God called. Now I wasn’t a real ‘good’ kid. Not mean mind you, but not real good. So I worried about that. I had a theory. I knew if there was a good person, it was my mama! So I knew if this Rapture took place she would definitely go. When I got really worried I would get close to mom, cause when she started up, I was going to grab her legs and go too.
Later in life I wondered why I didn’t just get close to dad? But then Mom was around the house all the time when I got worried, and she was available for a free ride. I did wonder once or twice, if we were in the house and she started up through the ceiling, attic and roof, if my body could pass the test. I felt better if she was outside washing or something.
Thanks for coming this way
Nite Shipslog
PS:
Report from Kansas:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

(Something like that is easy to agree with, don’t you think?)


RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Slimulus Plan & the Rancher


Nah, not claiming poverty just like to know I am paying my share. LOL
Get ready for excitement..............

‘Tis the funniest thing, I think I will cry. My Sherry has an IRA. She got a notice that she would have to start withdrawing it this year, (something about age????!!!). So we being law abiding citizens filled out the paper work and the money started pouring in, $87 a month. Now that ain’t nothing to sneeze at. It will pay for my Bryl crème, haircuts, comb and sunglasses. WE were enjoying our new found wealth and thinking 'how wonderful'. (But Jack hasn’t filed his income tax yet!)

Yesterday I finally got everything together that has been coming in for the past four weeks, from the hundreds of financial institutions with which we do business. Lol. I started on the stack, this goes here, that goes there,(I do everything in pencil first.)


Read carefully the following are typical of instructions for the tax forms:



On line three take half of line 2. Place it on line 4, if you are cross eyed or own a Shetland pony deduct 23.5 % (if it is a goat deduct 24%). Now multiply that amount by six and place it on line 23d (unless your hair is brown then place it on line 23e but subtract your age.) Now which is larger line 4 or 23e? place the larger on line 28b and erase what was online 2. Etc.



Now if you have read the calculations for our income taxes you know exactly what I am saying. Anyway the final results we owe about $700 tax.Sherry receives 12 x $78= $1044. She made $344 off that investment. I think this is part of the “SLIMULUS PLAN’. LOL.



I AIN’T NEVER liked tax-deferred stuff. Let me pay the tax now. Too late to sweat that stuff any longer I will never be young enough to purchase anything tax-deferred again.



Anyway I am not really fussing. Maybe the ‘Slimulus Plan’ will work on my stomach!!!!.


BUT It is good to have any extra money you can get. I just thought it is sort of a sick joke. Maybe next year it will be better.
Anyway happy tax filing time to you all!!!



NIte Shipslog
PS:
A bartender is just a pharmacistwith a limited inventory.

The statement below is true.


The statement above is false.


A man owned a small Ranch in Texas . The Texas Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.


"Well," replied the rancher, we will call him John, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."


"That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit," says the agent.








scroll down


















"That would be me," replied the John.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Still Walking and How we live & pay

The view from our house coming into the Pittsburg area from the South.
The view from our home in Fort Desoto, near St.Pete in Florida.

View from our home, here in Wildwood. Yeah, that is the neighboring Ranch. I did ask one of the cows if they knew Shellie Marie, She said she didn't, but had a friend who knew her. LOL
Today exciting post........?????!!!!! (*(*&(*&(&-------


Absolutely beautiful weather here, hope it is where you are. WE are back to walking, usually 3 to 4 miles a day.
There are 236 sites in this park. We counted the open ones today, there are about 25. This is the fullest it has been since we have been coming here.
This was/is a membership park. After many years on the road we joined an RV group. We found the membership on the internet. Our cost was repaid within six months of park useage. The company was called ‘Bulleck corp’. No sooner that we bought into the club it was sold to ‘Mid Atlantic Corp’. WE pay around $400 a year and can stay in their parks about 9 months of the year. That boils down to cheap stays. Of course we do not use the parks fully, but enough that it is definitely cost effective. We have seven parks we can stay at. Here in Wildwood, Florida then Point South in South Carolina, there is Green Mountain in North Carolina, one in Rondout Valley, in New York and one, Bear Cave, in Buchanan, Michigan ( just above South Bend, Indiana). There is one at Diamond Caverns at Park City, Kaintuck. The last one Hidden Cove in Arley, Alabama. We have never been to Hidden Cove.
The problem with the membership, is that you start limiting yourself because it is much more reasonable. We are breaking out of that again and we will head for the North East this summer, I am sure. Anxious for some Lobsta!
RV parks are becoming expensive like everything else. IT hurts me to pay $25-$35 for a night of parking. LOL.
Well, we sat out on the deck, ate tangerines and read. I just finished ‘Are you Afraid of the Dark” by Sidney Sheldon. Sherry is reading Baldacci’s ‘Camel Club’. She found a great book at a yard sale, ‘for one more day’ by Mitch Albom. She finished it, I am starting it. I believe it will be good.
Thanks for coming by the Log.
Nite Shipslog
PS:
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
(Except that one where you're naked in church.)




My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

A walk around the park

Our home, cozy and warm, cozy and cool no matter where it is parked.
This was an interesting place, Lickdale, PA. This place had everything, if you could have found it. You have to click to see it to tellanything about ther picture.
Today's entry.................

We finally got out to walk after two weeks of solitary confinement. WE walked about four miles, could have been three. The RV park is fairly full, of course this is the peak season for us Snow Birds. We come in all different types of RV’s from the old tag along travel trailers to the spiffy new fifth wheels with four slide outs. Motor Homes the same from the old hand brushed Coachmen to the million dollar Prevost. Every once in awhile we have a tent or two come by here, but not many. We see those in the State parks we visit.
WE have a lot of walkers to stay fit, and some who ride bikes. Today a lady passed us on a scooter with her dog riding up front enjoying the wind at 10mph. She was out giving him his exercise. We have a lot of dog walkers, all with the plastic bags or pooper scoopers. Most folks clean up after their dogs.
Did I tell you once I saw a lady walking her bird? She said she was trying to teach it to poop on the ground not on her shoulder. I guess you don’t have to pick up bird poop, she didn’t have the plastic bag. She did have a towel for her shoulder though.
We saw a loose dog. The Host asked the man to put it up or on a leash. When he went to get the leash his cat ran out. The next time around the dog was in the pen and the man was out still looking for his cat. He asked had we seen it. Sorry.
And you always have the few folks who do not think the leash rule is for their cute dog. He is so well trained he doesn’t need a leash. Then he takes off after someone else’s dog.
Some RV’s have beautiful murals painted on them. The best of these are usually the Safari Motor home line. They usually have a beautiful animal on the rear of the coach. We met one couple from Tennessee who raced trotters. They had a personalized mural of one of their trotters on the rear of their nice coach.
RV parks have a way of leveling everyone out. The rich and the ones who come down on a shoe string. We all enjoy each other’s company. Everyone is friendly. You might sit beside a millionaire in church, but you would never know it.
I will say this, these are the first church services in years that I have attended that you have to come early to get a front seat!!!! We are usually just on time, and have to sit at the REAR!
Thanks for reading this trivia,
Nite Shipslog
PS:
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? (Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, '' SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.'' It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.'