In this life there is always choices.
Even though it is the individual's choice (decision), it seems to be other
folks business.
(Old cars like OLD folk, need love and a happy place!)
Tonight I am thinking of senior widows and widowers. Many people
have a ‘set in stone’ time frame for senior adults to marry after the death of
a mate. I think the average set by many who have not faced the situation is one
or two years.
I am a different animal, when a person is in
their late 60’s and up, they deserve happiness. Folks, the mate will never return. My sister,
bless her heart loved her husband for over 50 years was dedicated to him. But
her blunt answer was, ‘when a mate is dead he is dead.’ For some, being alone is
what they prefer. My mama was one of those. Her statement was, ‘I had my man,
don’t need another.’ I personally had hoped she could find someone to fill dad’s
place if for no other reason than companionship. My sister Kat was different,
she needed someone. She found as good a mate and fell in love. She was happy
for about 5 years before she passed at 78.
As I have aged, my ideas and thoughts
have changed. There are many older folk who need someone to watch TV or have
meals with. Many times it is as simple as having someone to talk to. I see no
reason in this world that they cannot do this in their own home. They would
have the same privilege in an ‘old folk’s home’ or assisted living facility,
but it would be their OWN home.
Me? I am from a strict religious group. Actually
many of my family and friends are still associated with the church. I am still
a member, but have many differing opinions with my friends. These folk could
not tolerate (UNDERSTAND) if two of their peers decided to cohabitate even if
just for companionship.
Children are sometimes worse than
religious zealots. Many times they see the new husband or wife as a slap in the
face of their deceased mother or dad. The survivor loves the mate no less, the
memories will be there forever. But the children cannot see this.
I have a great friend, Ed. I know and love his daughter, she is a sweet
person. Ed told me his daughter told him, “Dad. Remember, I am always here if
you need someone to talk to.”
He said I tried to explain to her, "that
is not the problem’, I NEED a lady who is not my daughter to talk to. Someone my age who understands loneliness."
Nite Shipslog
PS: I meant for this to be short. Forgive me, I don't think I know short!
Love that MG!
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10 comments:
My mom never remarried and she was 38 years old when my dad died. My dad was the love of her life. Never even dated. I've never been single. Was at home, got married. I think if hubby passes before me, I'm going to try to the single life (not the party single life, but the single life). I don't find myself marrying again, nor would I ever cohabitate though I understand a lot of people do because of not wanting to lose retirement benefits, etc. I'll get a dog for companionship :)
betty
My husband has been gone now for over 20 years and truthfully I could never find a replacement for him. He was the best and a hard act to follow. I do know some who have remarried and I'm happy for them. Companionship means a lot. Thankfully I have a large family that keeps me busy so I'm not ever alone much, even though I live alone.
Very thought provoking post, we're unique individuals and finding the "right" one is challenging. Y'all are so fortunate to have found your soul mate early on and still have each other :)
one or two years
seems a bit quick
to me...
My father in law grieved for a year until me and Nick comvenced him to move on and find happiness. He did (and boy did he!) but never remarried. Some of his grandchildren thought it was awful. Like you said, the younger ones just dont get it. I think its because they havent even found the art to get over an old boyfriend or girlfriend yet. I tell nick, if I go before him, to go find a friend.
You're very wise Jack. Mel died when I was 50. It took a while, probably two years but when I cam out of my shell I had fun. Dancing and day trips, etc. I thought then and I think now I deserved it as we were happy just working side by side and now it was time to do something I wanted to do. Met John after the two years after he was divorced for the third time. Wasn't looking for anyone to support me and he still doesn't to a degree and that's okay.
Some find happiness after a spouse passes but many do not remarry because of financial concerns. Combining social security checks is not as avantageous as keeping them seperate sometimes. But there is lots of wisom in the words, "Someone my age who understands loneliness." LONLINESS is a sad, sad thing to be sure.
Oddly, it was a bit the other way around when my mom died as I was turning 21. My dad felt he & I were together & that we didn't need a third person. He was wrong, but it wasn't not tolerating as much as it was not understanding that I wasn't a child, but an emerging woman.
Yes, this is sure a poser! My dad passed when mother was 66 y/o ... the same as I am, today.
Even tho' I didn't really want it to happen, there were times I asked if she was interested in meeting another nice guy. Wow, you'd have thought I suggested she go rob a bank. (LOL)
In mother's later years -- when frankly, it would have been nice having someone to watch over her -- by then she'd grown accustom to having things her way. Once she even said, "I don't need any old man needing to be taken care of." I nearly fell off my chair!
Before meeting Tom, I spent a number of years alone; and, for the most part, I enjoyed my own company.
I believe every one has their own healing time after loosing a loved one. It is true that the youngsters haven't lived without loneliness and don't understand but they will someday.
Even tho we are a large family and Dad being heaven-sent 9 yrs already, we kids told Mom we would be ok with her finding companionship........she laughed and said, " No way. She wouldn't do that til all us kids were dead." She sure put us in our place. LOL, but all kidding aside, we would be ok with it.
Sure she has all of us but she needs her own friends and life too. None of us ever want her to feel lonely.
From up north where we have another 7 inches of snow for Bill to push around with his new plow...it's mounted on his UTV and he's a happy man not getting cold or wet while plowing.
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