Tuesday, November 29, 2011

All men should pee in the woods. (X Rated statements, you are warned)

I have always been an odd ball, just my nature.  When I tell folks I spent 8 years in the military as an E-3 and below, the military guys snicker in disbelief. Others do not know what I am saying. But this guy is not griping about his life, I have learned some things others have not.


In other words besides doing my regular jobs I was assigned sh— details.  Not punishment, it just comes with the pay grade. In the USMC & USN toilets are called ‘Heads’.  In the USAF they are called ‘Latrines’. Cleaning heads and latrines off and on for 8 yrs, teaches you something. You are hoping that your shipmates can aim straighter  a weapon than when they use the toilet.

I am saying this after a visit to the hospital and a couple fast food ‘Rest Rooms’ (Necessary rooms as Paula pointed out a blog or two back).  I cannot believe men  pee on the deck, or spray the seat of the commode without raising the seat. I have this built in thing, ‘I ain’t leaving this seat like this, the next person in will think I done that!’

I always took pride in my cleaning spaces. They were spotless when I finished. When I used it later I would be PO’d to see someone could not stay over the urinal long enough to finish.

It is a physical fact, it is hard for a man to completely empty his bladder. My sister Kat ( quoting her husband after hearing me gripe like this) SAID, “You can shake it, you can milk it, you can beat it against the wall, but put it in your pants and the last drop will fall!”  You would have to know Kat, she was a wonderful character.

My wife, as far as I know, has never had to worry about a sprayed commode seat, dripping in the wrong place, or an accidental wild shot, that was not cleaned up.

I know I am preaching to the choir, not many men read this, but the ones that do, ‘Don’t pee on the floor!’

Boys are terrible from birth.  Ever get a golden shower while changing a diaper?  You usually just get one, then you know better. Where did you stick the diaper pins while you were changing diapers , in the mattress right?  Guy worked for me did too, but he had just bought a new water bed. OUCH!

Thanks for reading my rant for today!

Nite Shipslog


The Thingy



“Children I have two human parts left. The first is something that will allow one to pee standing up. Who would like that?”

“Me, Meeeee ,”said Adam, jumping up and down, “That sounds like fun and something a man should have!”

Eve being understanding of her mate, nodded her agreement, and it was so.

“Adam splashed on a rock and laughed. He wrote his name in the sand, he made a high golden fountain, they laughed,” Adam said this is great! Too bad you didn’t get one.”

Then back to see God and HE turned to Eve and said, “Then you dear get the final part of human kind, it is now yours.”

Excitedly Eve asked, “Oh, dear Lord thank you so very much. I will treasure the gift. Adam calls his “a thingy”, but what shall my gift be called?”




ON down

“Let’s call it BRAINS my child, BRAINS!”

So now you know why things are like they are! You could have been having all that fun, instead of sitting down to think.



The truck:



I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Thanks for the chuckles today. After raising 6 boys I know all the dirty deeds...Thankfully I was also blessed with a daughter. Finally, just now after 3 days of pouring rain the sunshine has just popped out here and boy is it a welcome sight. It's not going to last though as they say we could have snow tonight. Hope all is well in sunny Florida!

BlueRidge Boomer said...

I's snowing here!!!


Anonymous said...

No rain, no snow over here. Yet, me son has learned to sit on the toilet already and so far we don't have any problems.
A good Wednesday for you all.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the good laugh. I like MA raised 4 boys and i know what you mean.lol. Cold and rainy here to cold for me to put my Christmas tree up. I guess Grover thought so to he lite the pilot light on the furness. Take care, Jean.


Very funny all this talk about hitting the spot. I have no experience with boys. I had daughters. Got our first snow of the season today. I'm running a fever, have chills, sore throat, etc. so I'm in bed sniffling and sneezing. Take care.

Ken Riches said...

All it takes is a little caring...

Anonymous said...

As folks say nowadays, it is what it is.

betty said...

LOL with the Adam and Eve joke!! LOL too about the golden shower, got that from son when he was a wee one!! For the most part, after he got potty trained, hubby taught him well on "bathroom etiquette" so to speak, not many mis aims here! But I did find it amusing that the news was showing often a clip of the Chargers field goal kicker relieving himself along the side line (with someone covering him up a bit) during the game. I guess they can't leave the field for where nature calls and its common practice with what he did. Learn something new every day!!

Enjoy the last day of November tomorrow!


Cher' Shots said...

I am very pleased to say that my husband has very good aim and impeccable hygiene. You're a funny guy Jack, the things you come up with.
'love & hugs from afar'

Amelia said...

Lol. I used to do commercial cleaning. I can say the men's restrooms were always worse than the women's.... And yes, my son gave me many golden showers as a baby. lol