Tuesday, January 20, 2009

WE are OLD, now what? a new book.

Sonny lining up a shot in the last game, before heading back to the cold country.
Sonny and Me outside the Motor home, yes those are short sleeves. rubbing it in!

Mark lining up a shot in the last game.
Now today's informative entry....

At the suggestion of people I admire, I have started another book. This one is relevant for today; it is not fiction but the bare facts.
I will be writing to the seniors. By seniors I mean anyone over fifty. I want to touch all ages from there up. Have you made your desires KNOWN in no uncertain terms to your mate and off spring, what to do when YOU get too old to take care of yourself or are dangerous to yourself or others? This is not a Living Will, even though that is important, very important. This is concerning your wishes concerning you personally. The object is to take the onus off the kids, so they will know:
Mama/Daddy wants to live alone, even with the threat of possibly falling, breaking something and being without help for hours. That way when it happens to you can lay there and say, I asked for this, boy was I stupid. Your children will still feel bad for the rest of their lives, but they will know that was your desires.
I have been in that position, as a son, I do not want my boys to be faced with that tough decision. They have been told, while we are in our right(?) minds, if we get to the position where we are a danger to ourselves or others put us in a home. WE hope to go peacefully, if not drag us kicking and screaming, and always remember it was OUR decision. Don’t feel bad about it, Come to see us when you can but don't let us put a guilt trip on you.
This stupid thing (computer) is doing something I do not understand. It is typing Red Print and underlining. I quit.
Nite Shipslog
For the book, I will be asking for any input you have on the subject, personal knowledge and experiences. This is very important as we are actually out living our bodies now. Assisted living facilities are filling up with folks with Alzheimer’s, over weight to the point of not being able to get in and out of bed, bodies that cannot stand pressure on the bones without breaking them, and amputees. Folks that cannot remember to take the meds or even know which they take anymore.
I do not plan to cover costs, but I do want some input on costs for general knowledge.

Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house you see robust,ruddy people. They're dying of course but they look terrific.


Anonymous said...

People need to know, too, that sometimes hospitals don't pay any attention to their patients directives or "forget" they have them. My mother had been very specific and gave them her papers and talked to her doctors about it. But when I got to the hospital her last day, they were keeping her alive artificially and it took me about 7 hours to get them to undo what they had done. Lindie

shirl72 said...

Now I have got to worry what you are going to do with me. I want you to keep me looking good
every day. Put my make-up on and put some nice
clothes on that is hanging in my closet.Get my hair done. They say I will be the best dressed sitting on the porch of a nursing home in my rocking chair. I just hope I can get the rocker started.

Just funning. Been there done that. Aunt Joe paid her income tax quarterly and even had four
envelopes already made out. She had everything in order. Didn't know she would die with cancer and Jim and I took care of her. She didn't live to long. Jim mother had everything
in order. I will think of some input been there.


Paula said...

You would mention steak. I'm just dying for one. I had a friend who always mentioned in front of her daughter Barbara will never put me in a nursing home. Barbara didn't but I'm sure her husband wished she would have.

Woody said...

Hope ya had a great Birthday, I agree on having everything Ship-Shape, that was one reason for moving to senior citizen housing!!!

betty said...

I totally agree to get it in writing while still young (and at 51 I'm NOT A SENIOR; I'll be a senior when I get my first senior discount, although I know I'm old enough to join AARP, oh joy :)

when you are ready, I'll submit some things but it will need to be anonymously since it involves my husband's parents who are still living but struggling trying to live on their own and terribly not interested in any type of help


Jean said...

Jack you have me stumped .lol I know I'm getting older and my hubby is almost eight years older not younger like Lucy’s Joe, Lol. I hope the good lord will help me stay able to take care of both of us until our time I want to stay at home. Forgive me. Take care, jean.

Lucy said...

WOW, Jack, ok, I have typed out instructions, partly, and sent copies to all the kids for myself. If anything happens to me it will be up to them to do for Joe cause his family will not. He will not listen to me so why would he listen to them. Joe has a serious heart condition as does Jeans but I am 7 years older than him, but he is onery enough to outlive me. As for me, I am with Shirl. Make sure my hair is done. I do not want to live with any of my kids, and you all know I do not like nursing homes, but that is where I would go if Joe could not take care of me. I pray Joe dies before he becomes infirmed because I KNOW he would be very hard to care for, even by a nursing home. I want us to both drop dead together here at home, but I would want Spunky put to sleep. No one in the family could take him. They would not put up with him being so spoiled. We have a 2 grave space called a lawn crypt. One on top of the other. I do not want to be on the bottom but have informed the kids to leave me there if I die before Joe. Jack, that is as far as I am ready to go right now. lol

Debbie said...

I'm bound to silence on some of the things I know because of the privacy act and Gary having worked at a Personal Care Home for 4 years. But as a grand daughter and daughter in law of loved ones who have been in a home I may be able to share some input. Lindie brought up a good point that I would like to add to. Some doctors will try to intimidate the family. They know the family is vunerable at a time like this. Yes a living will is important and so is a do not resitate order but in the end the family makes the final decision.
My first input as far as a home is concerned is the family needs to be aware. Visit as often as possible and if at all possible at different times of the day or night. If a facility knows there is a routine visiting time they are more likely to be slack in their responsibilities when they aren't expecting a family member to visit.