Monday, September 4, 2017

Mama with Sherry, Shirl, Jim & I

Facts of Life :
THE Six Best Doctors in the World are Sunlight, Rest, Exercise, diet, self- Confidence and Friends.

Continuing on Seniors

I received some informative and sweet e-mails, comments and messages concerning the two blog entries on seniors. Shirl and I talked the other day and she is all right with ‘Senior housing’ or ‘Assisted Living’. BUT forget the term Nursing Home. LOL

I agree with her, mainly because in our lifetime we have visited some pretty ‘bad’ nursing homes.  Lately I have been in some that are improved 1000% to what we have encountered.  To be honest most of the older ‘Nursing Homes’ smelled of urine, with folks strapped in wheel chairs, heads drooping. They were either asleep or in a stupor drooling. I have seen them lining the walls.

When the doctor called our family in to explain that mama needed to be in a nursing home. Those memories of nursing homes were vivid. I said forcefully, “My mama will never go to a nursing home.” I would later regret those words.

That was an ignorant statement. Mama was in Charlotte, NC. I was stationed in DC, One sister in NY, one in Maryland and my older brothers with their hands full 50 miles away.  BUT my Sherry quit a good job in DC to move back to Belmont and take care of my mama. I immediately started paperwork looking for a transfer to Charlotte.  In the meantime Sherry almost killed herself taking care of my mama completely alone. I was there on weekends.  I did get a transfer finally, Sister Shirl’s hubby, Jim, quit a very high paying job in Maryland and they moved back to Charlotte.

We did have some laughs and fun. Here is mom and I, in the back of Jim’s Antique Studebaker truck moving mama. The Beverly Hill Billie’s.

 Shirl and Sherry treated mama like she was royalty.  When mama was at Shirl's and she worked, Jim would take care of mama.

(MY favorite snapshot of mama and her baby boy!)

BUT basically my big mouth relocated and rechanneled several families. I realized too late, the Dr. was right.  Sherry and I have both told our boys to put us in a home when we cannot take care of ourselves. EXPLAINING, even if our minds aren’t ‘solid’ and we try to make you feel guilty, forget it. You were told what we wanted when we were in our right minds.

What some folk ‘give’ or ‘DO’ to take care of a parent is never recognized or appreciated by the rest of the family. I know folk who have actually given up their way of life to ‘try to ease’ their conscience because kin folk or society member has put a guilt trip on them.

Tomorrow I will end this diatribe with my brother’s talk with me.

 Nite Shipslog


Chatty Crone said...

Boy I hate to say it but you are right. If only my mom would have said it is okay - but she never did.

I have and will again tell my kids to put me there. Just give me a tv. Yes they do smell like pee. The people are lined up and drooling. That is still true. That is just the way it is and there is not much you can do about it?

You are doing your sons a big favor - trust me.

Lisa said...

It would be nice, once we reach senior age, if we could go ahead and pick an old folks home and reserve a spot. That way we get what we want and everyone wins.

Off subject: You and Sherry please get out of the storm track. The news says Florida, I start worrying. I told Nick, "Oh no Jack & Sherry!"

Hunker down

Mevely317 said...

At my DIL's urging, son Troy brought my mother into their home. Unfortunately, while their intentions were good they both had full-time jobs plus two busy little girls who needed attention. Before moving her out here in an assisted living facility, Troy even attempted to hire an in-home caregiver. (w/o going into unnecessary detail, THAT was a nightmare.)

Neither of us was mature enough to plan for the costs of long-term care ... but neither do I ever want to become a burden. Perhaps I'll take up skydiving and a pack-a-day habit. :)

Paula said...

Sherry was an angel to take that responsibility on but it's too hard on a person. I've told my girls over and over I do not want to move into their home and disrupt their lives.

UplayOnline said...
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betty said...

As much as we love our parents, there can be the day when they are not able to manage on their own and choices have to be made. Care giving is hard work. If at all possible, I do advocate being in assisted living, etc., and allowing the "professionals" to take care of the patient's needs while as a child you still have the ability to see your parent and maintain a relationship with them that is not caused by undue stress of care, etc.


I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I know from experience what a terribly hard job it is to take care of sick and aging parents. While my youngest sister got the brunt of the work, because I had to work, I spent evenings and weekends trying to do my part. I would never want to put my children through that. It would have made the load lighter if they'd moved in with my sister , but they wouldn't move and wanted to remain in their own home. We loved them so honored their decision. I think many of us have had that happen and know how hard it is.

Unknown said...

The way you guys are going you'll probably be putting ME in an assisted living. Live long and prosper. Spock out. LOL

Jean said...

I'm not to fond of the word nursing home, but will not refuse to go to one. Grover's oldest sister was in one it was clean but with so many sick people I'm sure it's hard to keep the smell down. They did have them lined up in the hallway and around the nurse station. One visit over there as we started out a lady was trying to get down the hall with her wheel chair I asked her did she mind if I pushed her, she was so excited and thanked me over and over. The site still brings tears to my eyes. Maybe they will let me stay at assistant living here you can go and come on your on.(If you'll able).

shirl72 said...

What memories...but we lived through them and now I am that can put me there when my time comes. Hopefully I will keep my mind.. I am thankful living in a wonderful Condo you built and I feel safe, you and Sherry are very good to you both Jim, Mother and Dad would thank you.

Unknown said...

You are doing your sons a big favor - trust me.