Wednesday, September 6, 2017

What Junior said!

(Apology advance for the length, IT IS EARLY also, we will be out later)
I want to let you know what our family faced, hoping it would help anyone else who may face a similar situation.
In my mama’s case, dementia was a factor, she would have been satisfied in any home. Mama kept wanting to go home. When I took her back to her home, that wasn’t the home either.

I have lived my life. I want my sons to live theirs.  It is not fair to put unwarranted pressure on a family. Many of today’s marriages hang by a thread, the stress is not needed.  Our marriage was solid but the day-to-day stress nearly ruined it. I want to stress that it had nothing to do with mama’s demeanor, Sherry loved my mom. But in her mental state mama unknowingly demanded MY attention when I was home.

One more story concerning the day I said in the presence of the the family, “My mama will never go to a nursing home.”

At that statement my older brother Junior, motioned me to meet him outside. Outside he said,"You have no idea what you just said. (He and His wife had taken care of her parents for a few years, so he KNEW and I was not smart enough to learn).

“Jackie, Mama needs to be in a nursing home. I know it isn’t easy, but let me tell you a story.”  This is BASICALLY what he said:

Charles’ dad was in the old home place. It was now Charlies responsibility. Things were getting bad. Charles knew his wife was always on edge, so he had a talk with his dad.
“Dad, I have made arrangements with the county home. Things are not working out as I had hoped.  I will help you pack a suit case this morning and this afternoon after dinner (lunch), you and I will walk over there.”

I understand son, I do tend to stick my nose into everything, I’ll pack.”

Charles was the 4th generation on the farm. His dad had been raised there like he had raised Charles.

As they walked, Charles kept apologizing and his dad was silent. The country home was only 3 miles from their farm as the crow flies and the old farmer and his replacement took the worn path. At the top of the hill overlooking the county home, Charlie’s dad walked over to a big rock and sat down.  Tears were falling and he made no effort to dry them.

Dad, please.  This is the hardest thing I have ever went through. Please, please, do not make it worse.

After a few minutes the father took out the old red handkerchief and wiped his face. He smiled at his son and said, “Charlie, son I love you. I love Mandy and the kids. I understand exactly what you are going thru. Look around you and remember something. This is the exact rock where  my dad stopped, on his way to the county home. I know you are doing the right thing. Live your life, you have a great family.  You have made me proud. Now let’s go on to my new home.”

Junior said to me, “All I am saying Jackie, is remember THIS ROCK. This is decision time and you have made it. I hope you do not regret it, but I am afraid you will. When I come to see mama and ask you how it is going and you say, Go to hell, I will be back next week.

Junior was right.

 Nite Shipslog

                                                       Some trucks are too old


Woody said...

With a family of 6 boys and 2 girls, Dad died when I was young and married with a family, Mother was able to live in the homestead for many years until she fell, we all met to see who would take her home with them, several tried to have Mother live with them and 1 son moved into the homestead with Mother, Didn't work, cannot have 2 women try to run 1 household.
I said Mother belongs in a Nursing Home unless someone else is going t take her home. Mother went to the Nursing Home we now play and entertain in, she had 6 good quality years there, was healthy, had an enjoyable life as much as could be expected what with being in a wheel chair.
Have no regrets about her going to a Nursing Home.
Hope you are not in the "Storms Path" and things are securedat your place in Deltona, Stay Safe. Gary


my mother in law went to a nursing home after years of my father in law taking care of her at home. it was sad, but the best thing for everybody in the long term.

Mevely317 said...

I recall reading "Charles" story , but still grew teary-eyed reading this earlier (on my cell phone). Sometimes Life hands us lemons ... and we must learn to make lemonade.

Hard to read, but I'm glad you've shared your experiences with us ... so we don't feel so alone.

Chatty Crone said...

I cried - I am sending this to my kids!

betty said...

I think in my case I'm going to be insisting to go to a nursing home, etc., and will be met with resistance by family members. I tell hubby now if I ever get to the point where it is very hard to take care of me, put me some place safe and come to visit when he wants to. Like I said before, care giving is hard work and it does wear and tear on those who are providing the care. I don't want to be that type of burden on those I love.


I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I have talked this over with my daughter and she protested.She said she would never want me to live in a nursing home, but I told her it would be for the best. Family want to care for you and take care of you, but they don't realize all it involves. Having been there and done that I know. It's a hard thing to do at times but the best for every one in the long run. The important thing I think, is that the family visits.

Lisa said...

That's it Jack!! I'm going to build a rest home RV Park!


Dar said...

Such truth and heartbreak and bittersweet all wrapped up in arms of love. It's so hard making some of these decisions but they need to be made. This had to be so hard to even write, Jack, but I'm so glad you shared with us. I'm glad Mom is still well enough to be home, tho I know it's been hard on my brother who sold his home and moved in to take care of her. I wonder if I could do the same without the stress. It IS so hard. Tears roll as I think about this very important entry.
love n' hugs from up north. It's still raining on and off but nothing threatening. May you and all the southeast be safe.

Unknown said...

Hope you are not in the "Storms Path" and things are securedat your place in Deltona, Stay Safe. Gary