Wednesday, September 6, 2017
What Junior said!
(Apology advance for the length, IT IS EARLY also, we will be out later)
I want to let you know what our family faced, hoping it would help anyone else who may face a similar situation.
In my mama’s case, dementia was a factor, she would have been satisfied in any home. Mama kept wanting to go home. When I took her back to her home, that wasn’t the home either.
I have lived my life. I want my sons to live theirs. It is not fair to put unwarranted pressure on a family. Many of today’s marriages hang by a thread, the stress is not needed. Our marriage was solid but the day-to-day stress nearly ruined it. I want to stress that it had nothing to do with mama’s demeanor, Sherry loved my mom. But in her mental state mama unknowingly demanded MY attention when I was home.
One more story concerning the day I said in the presence of the the family, “My mama will never go to a nursing home.”
At that statement my older brother Junior, motioned me to meet him outside. Outside he said,"You have no idea what you just said. (He and His wife had taken care of her parents for a few years, so he KNEW and I was not smart enough to learn).
“Jackie, Mama needs to be in a nursing home. I know it isn’t easy, but let me tell you a story.” This is BASICALLY what he said:
Charles’ dad was in the old home place. It was now Charlies responsibility. Things were getting bad. Charles knew his wife was always on edge, so he had a talk with his dad.
“Dad, I have made arrangements with the county home. Things are not working out as I had hoped. I will help you pack a suit case this morning and this afternoon after dinner (lunch), you and I will walk over there.”
“I understand son, I do tend to stick my nose into everything, I’ll pack.”
Charles was the 4th generation on the farm. His dad had been raised there like he had raised Charles.
As they walked, Charles kept apologizing and his dad was silent. The country home was only 3 miles from their farm as the crow flies and the old farmer and his replacement took the worn path. At the top of the hill overlooking the county home, Charlie’s dad walked over to a big rock and sat down. Tears were falling and he made no effort to dry them.
“Dad, please. This is the hardest thing I have ever went through. Please, please, do not make it worse.”
After a few minutes the father took out the old red handkerchief and wiped his face. He smiled at his son and said, “Charlie, son I love you. I love Mandy and the kids. I understand exactly what you are going thru. Look around you and remember something. This is the exact rock where my dad stopped, on his way to the county home. I know you are doing the right thing. Live your life, you have a great family. You have made me proud. Now let’s go on to my new home.”
Junior said to me, “All I am saying Jackie, is remember THIS ROCK. This is decision time and you have made it. I hope you do not regret it, but I am afraid you will. When I come to see mama and ask you how it is going and you say, Go to hell, I will be back next week.”
Junior was right.