Friday, December 5, 2008

So your are OLD, NOW WHAT?

This is the famous Plymouth Rock!
The Replica of the Mayflower, At Plymouth, Mass

Aboard the Mayflower, During my time at the wheel. haha!

Today's entry:
I am just curious about something. My good friend Bishop Carter suggested I write a book, or incorporate my feelings in a book. It concerns getting old. Most of the folks I know are getting OLD.

Have you ever discussed this with your children? The way our longevity goes now, the Doctors keep us alive way past our ability to decide for our selves. So one day friend your children will have to decide, What are we going to do with Mom &/or dad? Folks this is a good question.
I know my good friend Lindie knows about this. Shirl, Sherry and I have experienced keeping a loved one in our home. Shirl has went thru the situation, admirably I might say, about four times.

My brother & wife took care of her mother & Dad ‘til the end.

But this is not the time of the Waltons. Families cannot handle the pressure of having their own family members in the house 24/7 and have a life of their own. Because friend you may think it will be for a short time, but you may be surprised.

After our relatively short experience, with a mother (mine) who was one of the most amiable people alive. Agreeable and never complained, yet it pushes you to the limits.
Sherry and I have told out boys. When we get so we cannot take care of our selves, put us in a home, assisted living, nursing home, what ever it is called. Put ME there and if you can come to see me, that would be nice. But I do not want to cause trouble in a marriage or family. I have lived my life. I am satisfied with what I have done. I don’t want my sons to talk to each other and say I feel bad putting daddy in a home, but we are not equipped to handle it. The both know up front, I do not want to live in with them. Do you have any thoughts on the subject?

Just for the record when our family met to decide what to do about my sweet mama. I am the real WISE guy who said, “MY MAMA WILL NEVER GO TO A NURSING HOME!” AFTER THAT BIG SPEECH, the work fell on Sherry my wife until she hurt her back, then I was able to help some. Then Jim & Shirley who were in Maryland. Quit a good job to come home to help. AND IT TOOK VERY ONE OF US!

Nite Shiplog


Read through these children's science exam answers …… :)

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar .

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. (brilliant!)


Randy said...

Hello Mr. Jack,
I went through a rough time with my father. He would not live with us and He was afraid that we were going to put him in a home. He gave us a fit. We spent a lot of money in paying people to stay with him. Not to mention the problem with people using him and taking from him. He didn't want to stay alone and I tried to tell him that we could have some one with him around the clock in a home. But, there was no way he was going anywhere. He would of had a much better life in a home but, he refused.
God Bless


shirl72 said...

As we go to all the assisted living Centers to sing and dance with them they have a ball. The three that we go to is like a Hotel. They are very nice. Billie even has her Keyboard in her room. Other are decorated just like their home. They take them everywhere. I am glad we
did it but wouldn't suggest it to anyone. It is 24/7.


Paula said...

I agree with you and have told my girls I do not want to interrupt their lives. If I am miserable or sick I can do it somewhere else.

Debbie said...

I hope it lets me comment on this entry cause I've been having problems with it not letting me leave comments. Yeah I tried to leave a comment on your entries and it wouldn't let me.
Maybe they have it fixed today.
Anyway, I agree being a caregiver for a loved one takes it's toll on all involved. It wears you down and sometimes you wonder where you're gonna find the strength but you take a few deep breaths and keep hanging in there to care for them to the best of your ability. It's not for the weak minded that's for sure and some make excuses to get away from it as much as they can putting more of the responsibility on the ones who are already worn to the bone.
Personal care homes (assisted living) are much different than nursing homes or they are around here anyway. It takes a special person to work in a nursing home and sadly it's like anything else some of these workers could care less about caring for the residents they are there for a paycheck, leaving the one's who do care to push themselves beyond their limits. All of the nursing homes are understaffed they can't keep help if they do hire. And the saddest part of it all is many families use these facilities as a dumping ground for their loved ones, and in cases like this I use that term loosely. Many residents NEVER have any family members visit them at all they put them in there and go on about their merry pitiful lives as if their loved one doesn't exist.
I better quit now before I really get pissed. I've seen alot. Writing a book on this subject is a great idea if I was a writer I could probably write my own.

Debbie said...

Wooohooo! It took me a few tries but it finally let me leave my comment, lol.

betty said...

I told my sister (who my mom was living with at the time) that if she ever thought she couldn't take care of my mom and it was getting too much that she had my 100% support to look into homes or places where my mom would be well cared for and I would help anyway I could (we lived 1400/3000 miles away and I knew she knew my mom's condition better than I ever did). My mom would have gone to a home too; she never wanted to be a "burden" but she never got to that point before she passed on, which I think was an answer to prayer (thank you Lord) because she was pretty functional up until the last 6 weeks of her life. On the other hand, my hubby's parents, both in their 80s, are struggling to try to live independently and won't give up control of their own home and won't let anyone in their home to help them (other than hubby/brother who try to help but can't always help). They have the resources to go into an assisted living place/retirement home and be happy there, make friends, be able to socialize, get their needs met and they are stubborn to go.

good things to think about and be prepared for


Woody said...

Old Age is for wine and cheeze, not people!!!!!!

Its tough as we age, decisions are tough to make, thats why me and honey moved into Senior Citizen Housing, our apartment is already handicapped access, there are no local Assisted Living Centers close by but we have one of the nicest Nursing Homes you could ask for.

Coming from a family of 8.... after father passed away mother stayed log-home dad built for her, complete with wood-stove, and the day came when something had to be done, everyone argued, fought and cried about having to put mom in a Nursing Home, SO, a dutiful son took her home to live with them, it was great for about 2 weeks till she fell and broke her hip!!! and needed 24 hour care, Mother was placed in the Nursing home at age 81, she HATED IT for about a month, but the therapy, the knowledge that there were several relatives there, the great food, also the way they took care of her, the visits from family & friends, she settled in and refused to go home after recuperating... she had 4 years of good quality life. I have no regrets.


Helen said...

I know what you mean. I hope we are never burdens on our families. Helen

Terri said...

I think writing a book on this subject would be a good one... Jeff and I don't have when we get old and can no longer care for ourselves....i'm not sure what will happen to us..'s something to think about thats for sure...In reading moms comment...I'm not real sure what she wants for herself...but I hope she knows I would do my best to be there for her...

Great entry