Monday, September 16, 2019

Nursing homes or Assisted Living

Early interesting Cars:
1929 Packard

For today:
County Homes, Nursing Homes, Assisted Living are creations of generations in the USA. I refer to it in many cases of ‘warehousing the aged’.
It is something that is misused, miss understood, maligned but something that fills a much needed VOID in life. It can be sad or a joy.
Woody just posted a sad story. WE have an aged friend. She has two daughters. One daughter chose to keep her mom at home is now alienated from her sister.  I have even heard the term, ‘she is evil now.’  Of course these decisions should be made as a family. Problems ironed out and guidelines set that all can live with. In this world we now have good families torn part because of strong willed, unbending people. When there is a disagreement families should be able to sit down and work it out. The parent would be hurt to the core to know their children were starting to ‘hate’ each other.
Quick background: In my lifetime I visited many nursing homes in ministry and entertaining. I saw old people tied in wheelchairs, heads drooping, drooling and the smell of urine permeated the places. That was my lasting impression)
I am no authority, but WE are experienced. I made a bad decision about my mama. The Dr. said “Your mama needs to be in a nursing home.” That raised my temperature immediately, I saw and smelled a nursing home.  Instead of being reasonable and looking into the possibilities I immediately said, “My mama will NEVER go into a nursing home.”
That was a terrible mistake. There was NO trouble in mama’s family over it. BUT no matter the strength of the ties, moving ANYONE into your home develops unseen problems. You learn soon this is not the age of the ‘Waltons’.  It is more complex.
 Hopefully some advance planning can prevent many problems.
We told our sons, NEVER take us into your home. When we cannot care for ourselves, put us in a nice place and come when you can. We lived our lives, you need to live you own.
Nite Shipslog
PS: The Oxymoron for today:
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?


Glenda said...

This one cuts close to home; something so painful for me that times, I just cry. I spoke with Jua today and she needs respite badly, has difficulty finding anyone as meticulous as she is. The other two RN sisters help as much as they can. However, they have spouses, children, and grands which makes it hard to balance providing care for Mom more than a couple of days weekly. The other tears come from the situation with my 99-year-old Aunt and best friend, IrmaNee. Nursing homes that I've had experience with for ten years Mom and Dad were in them is this: they have some good staff and others that suck. [my two cents]. Love from Chobee, Glenda

Chatty Crone said...

Jack I totally agree with you. Although I still to this day feel bad about putting my mom in one. I had no help and I had a bad hip and just couldn't take care of her - yet I know she would have liked that. I just couldn't and I don't want to be taken care of at home either.

betty said...

I'm with you and Sherry, Jack. When its time to put me in a home, just put me in it and come and visit if you can and if you want to come to visit. That's why advanced planning is always good to do to make those decisions before they need to be made and then of course everyone has to be on the same page and not go behind anyone's wishes, especially the person involved.


I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Like you, I would never want to be a burden to my children and have told them to put me in a home. It' is truly a burden. My folks would not even concider a home other then own and even refused to move in with my sister who would turn out to be their main caregiver. I would help in the evenings and weekends but she was the one to took care of them on a day to day basis and still tried to keep yp with her own home. They could have made it a lot easier on her. It was one of the toughest times of my life. We were all worn out. Nrsing home facilities to serve their purpose. I want to go to one rather than tie up my children's lives. Something we all have to think about as we get older.

Mevely317 said...

Like you, my son refused to let his grandma (my mom) go into assisted living. I deeply regret (that) at the time I was unable/unwilling to bring her into my own home. Finally, after nearly 2 years mental decline, they had to concede it was too much.

This year, as both of Lois' parent's health began to fail, they've taken them in permanently. As Troy and his MIL have never gotten along, it's a stressful situation. But I give him props (as I do YOU, Jack) for caring enough to put aside his own lifestyle.

Both situations have taught me what I DON'T want!

Woody said...

Sadly we have to have "Nursing Homes, Assisted Living, Geriatric Care, Adult Day Care and Skilled Nursing Homes" ! Mother was in a Nursing Home, My sister also, my 2 brothers passed away in Hospitals ! Dad would be sad to see his other 5 kids not all getting along ! But life goes on ! Take Care, Gary an Anna Mae

Susan Kane said...

Such a horrible decision to make for any family. My mother was failing and not one of us was in a position to make any other situation possibile. Fortunately Mom was situated in a facility where she was cared for people from her community.


Jean said...

Just pray we all will stay well enough to take care of ourselves I try not to think about the nursing home, but I will go before having to live with the children. I had carpal tunnel surgery on my right hand last week and feel kind of like it would feel to have to have help.I'm doing well my granddaughter in law and her two kids came up from Florida for a week are more she is good company as well as help. The only bad thing is its hard to do much with my left hand. She wanted to come so I welcome her. Takecare,Jean