Friday, January 16, 2015

Etiquette (Is that a good word?)

Those who have lost someone in the family and they were responsible for the services, obituary, burial and all the other requirements that comes down on your shoulders will know the actual depth of that responsibility.
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Even after the burial there are unseen things that most do  not think about yet. The funeral director will hand you a stack of cards he has removed from the flowers. In a day or two he will discretely ensure that you get the bill for his services, unless the service was prepaid. And then there will be the memorial stone to choose (in many cases).
Since we are on the road many times and are away from the areas of one’s loss, we send a card with a check, noted “In lieu of Flowers.”  It is meant to be used at the family’s discretion. We try to impress on the person, there is no need for a thank-you note. ATT00020MA29076384-0010
There are so many expenses at a time like that, most of the folks we know can use the money,  at such a time.
Then comes the ‘Thank you notes’, or what ever they are called. The obligation to sit down with a broken heart and try to word each response differently so as to not sound like a machine.  That is the part I wish would be DROPPED, unless the gift or flower came from far away and the person would like to know the florist delivered a nice flower.
The above was jarred into place by a call from Pearl, Harry’s widow. She wanted to know if our address had been changed. She needed a place to send the thank you card. Sherry said forget it, we know you and the family appreciate the gesture, we definitely do not need thanks for trying to show our love and respect for friend Harry.
Anyway I know that goes against the grain in many cases, but it is my opinion.ATT00026MA29076384-0016
Thanks for coming by the Log.
Nite Shipslog
I argue with a lot of tradition which is formality.
Yep, really, the one on the left is a drivable,  old vehicle.  Notice the openings in the huge tire, and the shiny glass in the front behind those holes. That is the windshield. So as the huge tire rolls he driver can see ahead. You must lean to turn the dude.


betty said...

I agree with what you are saying, Jack. It is overwhelming when a loved one passes with not only one's grief, which is of course tremendous, but all the things that need to be done. I think the formality of thank you notes can be an option rather than a "must do" under the discretion of the family that has lost the loved one.


Paula said...

Been there, done that, but it was a blessing we had just paid off our funerals a couple of months before Mel's passing and the lots had been paid ahead of that. All I had to worry about was the tombstone and there was no hurry with that. As for thank you notes, I do like to receive one if I have sent money and just like to know the proper person got it. I'm noticing more people don't send them. My grandkids were prodded to send them but now that they are on their own, not so much.


I think thank you notes are appreciated by most, for somebody's thoughtfulness at this difficult time. Though you make a valid point that it is hard to write with a broken heart.

shirl72 said...

As you know I have been through
those procedures 6 times and not easy. Sending notes, probating
wills..closing houses and following
their wishes and much more. It is nice to acknowledge money sent.
Been there and done that many times
as you know.

shirl72 said...

PS: I forgot to say the flowers
are beautiful, enjoy seeing them.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I too have had to do all those things including thank you notes. It is often tough to find the correct addresses for everyone too. Still I appreciate a thank you when I get one so I made sure they got sent out. Funny how in a world where a lot of etiquette has been forgotten, for funerals it remains the same.

Mevely317 said...

I like how you gently challenge me to take another look at my beliefs, Jack!
... Ya, my mother made sure I sat down and penned thank-you notes in an appropriate time. Sad, to say, they probably weren't so sincere. LOL.

Can't recall the last time I received a written TY card, but still appreciate getting a 'shout-out' via e-mail or on Facebook even.

PS -- HB to you, HB to you, HB dear Jaaaaaack, HB-daaaaay to youuuuuu! :)

Woody said...

I have My Honey and my Funeral Plans done, our Obits are written, places picked for internment and best of all it is all pre-paid. Never thought I would do it but then again I realized I wasn't gonna be around forever, however, I do not wish to actively seek to use it.
Nice morning, -17 BELOW zero, can't take a deep breath!!
By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
love from the frozen North;
Gary and Anna Mae